Have you all seen that video made by Dove the soap company where a beautiful young model is photoshopped to make her skin smoother, her hair fuller, her eyes bigger, until she looks like no human can? That's sort of what Kim did to me!
He took this photo:
Then using all the tools photoshop has to offer transformed it into this:
If you compare the two you can probably see what he did. He darkened my eyes within and without, subdued the nasty frown lines between them, and, if I remember rightly, slimmed down the area below my cheek bones to make them stand out more. I can now see why some people resort to cosmetic surgery: the temptation to have all the shadows removed: neck lines, hand lines, all bodily lines, was almost overwhelming. But my enthusiasm was censored by a feeling that it would be ridiculous to have photographs of myself that deny something essential about me. I'm no longer 25, 35, or even, god damn it, 45. Would I like to look 25 again? Yes. Would I like to be 25 again? Um, no. Would it be odd being 45 +++ yet looking 25? Not having experienced that particular combination I don't know.
But I can't help feeling that it would be, not least because I don't act like a 25 year old, nor do I sound like one. So with the help, given the cash, of surgery I could get myself looking like one but couldn't do anything about all the other things that say: 'this woman is considerably older than 25.' Which means something would be out of kilter. I would open my mouth and sound wrong. I would look in the mirror and see someone who hasn't lived the life I know I have. It would be like having my smell removed. It would also give the nod to current western cultural, establishment, values that push the almost alien as the level of beauty that we must aspire to. And I could never do that. Which, of course, is the point of this post: I couldn't not show you the real me behind the new banner. Even though what Kim did in photoshop to the original shot was minimal I somehow couldn't have you thinking that I believe I really do have smoky eyes and have never frowned.