You all know that for a while in April I went off the radar because I had a biting assignment. This required me to produce polished, accomplished poems and prose and had me working round the clock, and in a bit of a lather. I was terrified of doing badly and being thrown off the course because then what would I do!
Anyway, yesterday morning I opened my emails and there was one from the course convenor entitled 'Portfolio comments and grade.' I nearly spilled my tea! I really didn't know if I wanted to open it but took a deep breath and did so. Attached were two documents: the two sets of comments from the two lecturers. One, the email informed me, had my grade on it. I opened the other one first, braced myself, and then began to read: 'Eryl's portfolio was a joy to read'.
Ooh! I read on. I could pick out all the marvellous things that this lecturer said about my work, but I won't because it will give a false impression. I have to say though that I have underlined my favourites in orange for my own satisfaction. Once I'd read these two pages a couple of times I had to open the document with the comments from the other lecturer and the dreaded grade. Just because one liked my work it didn't mean the other one would.
I clicked on it and up it came. Managing not to look at the nasty number at the top of the page I read: 'This is an excellent portfolio...' I actually read the whole thing, contrasting the good remarks with the not so good - 'strange syntax' - before finally managing to convince myself that I wasn't going to be dismissed so I could look at my grade.
It's odd when you work and work and work on something, you lose sight of it. By the time I handed in those pieces I didn't even know if they conformed to the rules of English any more, and I didn't care, I just wanted it to stop. Since, I haven't written a thing or read any of my work. But now I am back to being utterly motivated to go on. I want to get on with my book and I want to practise more poetry, and write a play, maybe a film script too, and a novel and collection of short stories and even, perhaps, a cook-book, and I want to read everything that has ever been written...
I'm tempted to share a poem that they both seemed to particularly like, but then you might feel obliged to say 'it's wonderful' or something and I don't want to do that to you. Do you want to know what grade I got?