Crikey, where did February go? Normally, although the shortest month, it seems to go on forever. The promise of spring hangs in the air but always out of reach. Yesterday I suddenly noticed flowers growing in the grounds of my university campus and today, I notice, is February's last day. This is scary, I hardly noticed it and what's more I seem to have done bugger all when I should have done heaps. I seem to have been waylaid by events beyond my control, I must, must, must regain control of my life and time. I have nine weeks to research and write up my dissertation project, oh cripes!
So what have I discovered so far? That I'm happy to read, read, read but terrified of writing up my findings which will never do. Whenever I think 'right, now I must write something' I find myself cleaning the house. I even went so far as to go out and buy a new vacuum cleaner last weekend. Today I nearly started polishing the silver and actually did polish the pepper grinder which suddenly looked filthy. And now I'm writing this which isn't my research project.
So, back to the project: what have I discovered? That existentialism is really interesting and that if Nietzsche was still alive I'd search him out and ask him to marry me. Not quite what the university is looking for really. What's interesting about existentialism then? Well, it's all about how to live in a contingent world. About getting over the fact that we are not here for any reason and taking control of one's life. Angst is good: it means that one is thinking and thinking is a step in the right direction. Though my problem with that is that too much thinking can lead to inaction and it's action that makes the difference. I suppose making the decision to do nothing but think is a positive though. Mmm... I'll just think about that one for a bit then.